ANG MGA SANA KO....

Sana makalimutan na kita


Sana  di na kasi kita nakilala


Sana di na nangyari ang lahat


Sana wala na lang kwentuhan


Sana wala nang tawanan, kuletan, asaran, at tuksuhan


Sana di ko na lang nakuha number mo


Sana di na ako mag antay sa mga TEXT mo


Sana di na kita iniisip 


Sana matuto na akong lumayo sa'yo


Sana wag na akong umasa


Sana totoo lahat ng sinabi mo


Sana wag kang magbago


Sana magtext ka na


Sana iniisip mo din ako


Sana maulet lahat ng masasayang araw natin, 


Sana mahalaga din ako sa'yo


Sana pansinin mo din ako


Sana tayo na lang


Sana...


Sana, Mahal mo din ako... :(

What I want to say... :(

 I LIKE YOU! :(


Ayan ang bagay na gusto ko sabihin sa’yo…


Natatakot ako baka umiwas ka, natatakot ako na magbago ka…


Kaya siguro mas mabuti na itago ko na lang ang nararamdaman ko.


Isa pa, sigurado ako, wala lang naman ito sa’yo…


Siguro dapat kalimutan ko na ang kalokohan na ito.


Nahihirapan na din naman ako.


Iiwas na lang ako.


Kaya kung minsan, di kita papansinin o kakausapin.


Alam mo na…


Kahit ang hirap gawin nun


Bahala na,


Di ko na kasi talaga kaya…


Kahit gusto ko man sabihin ng harapan di ko naman magawa…


Naduduwag na kasi talaga ako…


Hindi ko yata kayang marinig ang mga bagay na isasagot mo…


:(

A poem out of Boredom...

Although we just met 
You're one of the people I won't forget
Loving and Caring Person
When I saw you that is my first impression
A boy who is very quiet
But have a lot of jokes into his pocket
Down to earth and very funny
Will turn your rainy day into sunny
Don't ever think that you're alone and lonely
You're friends are always there can't you see?
In times of your sorrows and pains
I'll be here to listen always 
No words can express all the things that I want to say 
Thank you and sorry are not enough to save the day. 




Note:
To my friend, I hope you really appreciate and like this  simple masterpiece of mine... :(

My Love dies, so does my heart...

Just few weeks backs I am so happy
I wonder how everything turned so crazy.
The person behind my smile
Now the reason why I die

I thought its time to open the door
But then, there’s nothing worth fighting for
I don’t want a ONE WAY love.
But that’s all I have…

I don’t want to fall in love
But still that is something I wish to have.
I’m so tired of loving.
My world wanted to stop moving.

Things don’t makes sense at all
There is no one to answer my call
 I only make things hard for myself
Everything I’ve done, he didn’t see

Now, I lost the faith that he might love me back
This love is really off the track
I decided to close the door
and love someone else no more….

I Miss You!

More than a week nang hindi nag-uusap ang mag-bestfriend na Kyla at Enzo.
Simula kasi ng confession nila ng gabing iyon, bigla na lang umiwas si Kyla.

Scene 1:
Saturday, Morning.
Sakayan ng dyip papuntang school.
Hindi inaasahan na magkikita ang magkaibigan.

ENZO: (unang babati) Hi best! God Morning, long time no see ah!
KYLA: (iiwas sana kay Enzo pero di din nagawa dahil sa paglapit bigla ni Enzo.) Hi...

ENZO: Musta na?  bakit hindi ka nagti-text? Di ka na nagpupunta sa bahay?

KYLA:(Magsisinungaling)  Busy lang best, Mga School Works, lam mo na, graduating na tayo eh! (sabay biglang magpapaalam) Sige best, una na ako h, late na ako eh! ( hindi niya na hihintayin ang sagot ni Enzo, agad na papara at sasakay ng dyip)

Scene 2:

Saturday, Lunch Break.

Tahimik na nakapila si Kyla sa Canteen para bumili ng food n ang biglang dumating si Enzo at nilapitan siya.

ENZO: Hi Best!

KYLA: (Magugulat at maiilang) Hi..best...

ENZO: 'wag ka na pumili, binilhan na kita ng food mo. (Sabay abot sa kanya ng plastic ng Mcdo.) 

KYLA: Hala! nag-abala ka pa. nakakahiya naman sa'yo, magkano ito? (kukunin sa bulsa ang wallet.)

ENZO: Nahihiya ka? meron ka pala nun? (tatawa) Joke lang! wag na, libre yan no!

KYLA: Ano kamo? Libre? Himala! Ganito pala ang nagkaka-GF. Nagiging galante.

ENZO: Sobra ka naman, bakit di ba kita nililibre dati ha?

KYLA: Nililibre naman. pero siyempre kapag may topak ka lang, o kaya kapag may kasalanan ka sa'kin. Best, alam naman natin na sa ating dalawa, ako talaga ang galante.

ENZO: O sige na, kaw na ang galante, o siya, kain ka na, ubusin mo yan ha, lam ko favorite mo yan eh!

KYLA: Mauubos ko ba eto? eh lam mo namang mahina ako kumain. Sabayan mo na lang ako best, share tayo.

ENZO: Naku best sorry, gusto  talaga kitang sabayan kaya lang, hinihintay na ako ni Tracey eh! alam mo na, sabay daw kami. sorry talaga. 

KYLA: (biglang malulungkot) ah ganun ba, sige ok lang...

ENZO: Sorry best, ubusin mo yan ha, wag mo ipamigay. magtatampo ako sa'yo sige ka at saka sana hindi ka na din nagtatampo sa'kin.

KYLA: Nagtatampo ba ako? di naman eh!

ENZO: asus! deny pa oh! lam ko naman eh! iniiwasan mo talaga ako, sorry best ha, yaan mo, babawi ako, promise!

KYLA: loko! kung anu-anu sinasabi nito. sige na, alis na, inaantay ka ng GF mo, baka magalit na 'yun sa'yo.

ENZO: oh sige una na ako, 'wag ka na magtampo ha, see you around best. (lalakad palayo pero biglang babalikan din si Kyla.

KYLA: oh bakit ka bumalik?

Magugulat na lang ito nang bigla siya saglit yakapin ni Enzo. Then he smiles at her.

ENZO: bye ulet best. (sabay lalakad na palayo.)

Kyla will just watched him as he walked away

Nang tuluyan nang mawala si Enzo sa paningin; saka lalakad papunta sa table nila ng kaibigan at classmate na si IZEL.

KYLA: (uupo sa tabi ni Izel.) Pasabay ako...

IZEL: Oh sa'n pupunta si Enzo? break na kayo ulet?

KYLA: anung break na kami? di naman kami no! at saka may GF na yun, pupuntahan nga niya eh!

IZEL: Hala! may GF na siya, kelan pa? kaya pala di ko na kayo nakikitang magkasama, pinalitan ka na pala niya.

KYLA: naku Izel, tigilan mo nga ako, gutom na ako kaya 'wag mo na ako inisin. alam mo yan, masama ako mainis.

IZEL: Inis ka dahil gutom ka? o inis ka dahil nagseselos ka?

KYLA: Selos?! at bakit ako magseselos?

IZEL: hay naku Kyla, 'wag ka na magdeny. kilala kita. alam ko sekreto mo, alam kong may gusto ka kay Enzo.

KYLA: ( magugulat) Ako?! may gusto kay Enzo!? wala no! anu ka ba, parang kuya ko lang yun eh!

IZEL: Hay naku! sige lang deny pa, obvious naman. sus talaga! (iiling)

KYLA: alam mo gutom lang yan, kumain ka na lang.

IZEL: eh di kakain! sabi mo eh! (matatahimik ito at sisimulan ang pagkain ngunit maya-maya din ay magsasalita ulet) pero ito lang masasabi ko sa'yo ha, yun si Enzo, love ka din nun eh! naniniwala ako.

KYLA: ayan na naman, akala ako tapos ka na, nagsisismula ka na naman.

IZEL: pakinggan mo muna ako. Kyla, alam mo, hindi ka dapat nagseselos dun sa GF niya.

KYLA: Di nga ako nagseselos!

IZEL: Kasi alam mo, si Enzo, di ka nu'n matitiis,  pinakamahalaga ka sa lahat ng mga taong nakilala niya. kahit magkaroon pa yun ng maraming  GF. Babalik at babalik sa'yo yun. Makikita mo din, isang araw, kapag kinailangan mo siya, kahit sino pa kasama nun, kahit GF niya pa, pupuntahan ka nun kahit anung mangyari.

KYLA: weh? di nga? (pagkukunwaring tatawa at dadaanin sa biro ang sinbabi ni Izel.)

IZEL: 'kala mo nagbibiro ako ha, makikita mo talaga, magugulat ka.

KYLA: (maiiling na mapapangiti na lang) sige na, sabi mo eh! matahimik ka lang, kain na tayo..
Ganoon na lang ang gulat ni Kyla nang buksan nang buksan niya ang stryrofoam ng Mcdo. May nakasulat kasi dito na "I MISS YOU BEST"

IZEL: O kita mo na! (sabay kinikilig na sabi niya kay Kyla)

Scene 3:
Saturday, 6:30 pm.
Late na nakalabas ng school si Kyla dahil sa meeting ng organization nila kung saan officer siya.
Malakas ang buhos ng ulan. As usual, wala na naman siyang dalang payong kaya na-stranded siya sa school. Dahil sa kagustuhang umuwi nagtext siya kay Enzo para magpasundo.

KYLA: Best, strndd aq d2 skul, la aq dala payong. huhuhu! sunduin mo nmn po aq!

Huli na ng marealize ni Kyla na baka hindi siya nito masundo dahil nga may GF na ito, nagflash na ang 'message sent' sa screen ng phone niya.
She receive no reply...

KYLA: (ibubulong sa sarili.) sabi ko na! dapat di na lang ako nagtext eh! ang kulet ko kasi! Sino nga ba naman ako? bestfriend niya lang. siyempre, uunahin nun hatid gf niya. hay kyla, ang tanga mo talaga! kainis!

pero maya-maya lang, ay biglang dumating nga si Enzo,

ENZO: Best! hay naku, di ka na talaga natuto, next time nga, magdadala ka na ng payong ha, loko ka talaga!

KYLA: (gulat) anu gingawa mo dito?

ENZO: Duh?! nagatanong ka pa, di ba nagtext ka? parang ka baliw, nakalimutan mo na? sorry natagalan ha, kulet kasi ni tracey. ayaw ako paalisin, 'wag na lang daw kita sunduin, nakipagtalo pa ako. hindi pwede sa'kin yung ganun no! ayun, iniwan ko nga.

KYLA: ano? iniwan mo? bakit? best, gf mo yun baka makipag-break yun sa'yo, ako pa sisihin mo.

ENZO: Baliw! at bakit  naman kita  sisisihin? Eh di makipag-break siya. bahala siya. Sinabi ko na yun sa kanya. di pwedeng iwan kita. Bestfriend kita eh! Di ko kayang mawala ka. Mawala na lahat, 'wag lang ikaw, aba! wala 'atang makakapantay  at makakapalit sa more than 10 years na friendship natin.

KYLA: (Speechless dahil sa narinig)

ENZO: Oh ba't di ka na nagsalita? walang masabi best, baka isipin mo joke yun, di ah! Tama naman ako best di ba?

KYLA: ha? oo...sabi mo eh!

ENZO: Anu bang sagot yun? napipilitan lang?  tara na nga uwi na tayo, mukhang gutom ka na eh!

KYLA: sige...

Nagulat na naman siya nang hawakan ni Enzo ang kamay niya sabay pinayungan at sila'y naglalakad papunta sa sakayan ng dyip pauwi.

Thanks to YOU :)

It's been raining in my life for so long
Feels like everything is really wrong
Music of heartbreak is always my song
The pain shakes and rattles me like a gong.


Then there was YOU.
You take me out of the blue
Though, I don't know if it's true
But my life now has a color and a hue.


I don't know how it happen
My life change all of a sudden
The pain of past I slowly forgotten.
My life suddenly brightened.


Because of you I started to believe again
And I'll start it by calling you my friend
Since it's you who gave me a helping hand
Promise, you will have me til the end.


You really inspires me to do some things

You even change my mood swings
You are truly one of God's Blessings
For you teach me how to fly with my own wings


You showed me that there is something that I'm missing
You suddenly give my life a meaning
You complete my whole being
I'm scared but at the same time happy with this feeling


I just hope you feel the same 
So we could both play this old game
If I got hurt, It's not you to blame
Nor put you on shame

Now I could say that my life is really better
Because you took away the stormy weather
Even though we're not yet together
I'm glad that I meet you and for that I'll be thankful Forever :)

AFRAID...

Something change in me.

I don't know how I suddenly have a change of mind...

And also a change of heart?

That is something that I am not sure...

Honestly, I hate what I feel right now.

It annoys me. 


It disturbs me.

This Dilemma is really killing me.


Coz it's been so long since I closed the door.
Any plans of opening it? what for?


The pains of yesterday isn't healed yet.


I don't want to hurt my self again.


God, I'm so afraid.

Afraid of this feeling I suddenly feel for you.


Don't even know why I'm wishing that you feel the same way too.


I wish there was a way for me stop it.


Or divert it back to yesterday.


But everything's slowly taking place.


And before I knew it, 


I'm Falling...


Without anyone to catch me again... :(

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/ryoshin12

The Confession

KYLA: Hoy! Best, kanina ka pa nakatulala ah! may problema ka ba?

ENZO: (Mukhang Nagulat) D'yan ka na pala best, wala po...may iniisip lang.

KYLA: ( Mauupo sa tabi niya) Grabe naman, mukhang ang lalim ah! di ko masisid eh! 

ENZO: (Tatawa)  Kahit naman mababaw di mo pa din kaya eh! di ka naman marunong lumangoy, 

KYLA: Tseh! oo na, magaling ka na, kaw na ang swimmer!  at hoy! 'wag mo nga ibahin ang usapan, anu na yung iniisip mo?


ENZO: Interested much best? wala naman 'yun eh! it;s nothing serious. 


KYLA: Nothing serious daw! Obvious naman na nagsisinungaling ka, ang daming pang segue way, magkwento ka na kasi, anu nga yun?


ENZO: Kulet mo! Wala nga yun eh! 'kaw kaya ang dapat magkwento, I heard you and Mama talking, may nagugustuhan ka na pala? Who's the lucky boy?


KYLA: (Magugulat at matitigilan) Galing talaga mag iba ng usapan oh! Tsismoso!


ENZO: Nagsalita eh 'kaw nga itong nauna 


KYLA: Kaya nga! Ako ang nauna, naunang magtanong, kaya dapat ikaw ang unang magkwento.


ENZO: Kapag ako ba nagsabi sa'yo, sasabihin  mo din sa'kin kung sino 'yung lucky boy na yun?


KYLA: (Tatawa ng malakas sa narinig) We'll see, depende 'yun sa ikukwento mo


ENZO: Daya nito, bakit parang ayaw mo malaman ko? kaw best ha, naglilihim ka na sa'kin, si Mama pa ang unang naka alam eh ako ang bestfriend mo.


KYLA: Tampos much best? magkwento ka na kasi dami mo talagang segue way eh!


ENZO: Excited much 'to! Baka naman mamaya di ka matuwa sa sasabihin ko.


KYLA: Bakit comedy ba yan kaya dapat matuwa ako?


ENZO: Hindi nga siya Comedy eh! Kwentong Pag-ibig lang naman best,


KYLA: Naku! Usapang pag-ibig nga! Sabi ko na nga ba!


ENZO: Wala ka naman sinabi eh! Pero best, promise mo hindi ka mabibigla sa mga sasabihin ko at di ka din magtatampo at magagalit?


KYLA: Bakit naman? In love ka ba? 'sus! di na bago sa'kin yun eh! lagi ka naman kasi in love... (Matatawa)


ENZO: Lagi ka d'yan di ah! First time nga ito eh! Pero best, magpromise ka na muna


KYLA: Siya, siya sige na... I promise na...dali magkwento ka na...


ENZO: Promise yan ha, pero best, tama ka eh! I'm inlove... I even think mas in love ako sa kanya kaysa sa pagsu-swimming ko


KYLA: Wow ah! lakas ng tama ah! baka mamaya best, malaman ko na lang may girlfriend ka na


ENZO: Galing mo naman best, akalain mo nahulaan mo yun?


KYLA: Ano?! You mean may girlfried ka na talaga? I was just joking a while ago...


ENZO:But I'm not. and I'm dead serious.


KYLA: Since when pa? Bakit di ko alam?


ENZO: Actually, biglaan nga best eh! halos hindi ko namalayan, it all happened instantly. Believe it or not. Hindi ko nga alam kug paano ko sasabihin sa'yo eh! 'Yun yung malalim  na iniisip ko kanina, kasi natatakot ako,ayokong magtampo ka o magalit man lang sa'kin...Sa totoo lang ayun yun malalim na iniisip ko kanina.


KYLA: Aba! magtatampo talaga ako kung di mo sasabihin sa'kin kung sino 'yung girl na 'yun? kilala ko ba siya?


ENZO: (napangiti) Hindi ka galit? or natatampo sa'kin? (kunwarig iiling si Kyla) Yehey! thank you best! (sabay yakap kay Kyla) kaya kita love eh! super understanding mo.


KYLA: (itutulak palayo si Enzo) O.A. mo ah! Kakapromise ko lang eh! so anu na? who's the girl? kilala ko ba?


ENZO: Nope! ka-school mate ko siya. Pero don't worry best, to make it up with you, ikaw ang unang makakakilala sa kanya at ikaw din siyempre best ang unang sinabihan ko tungkol dun


KYLA: Dapat lang! dahil kung hindi...naku, end of friendship na tayo (tatawa)


ENZO: Grabe naman best, parang yun lang? end of friendship agad? 


KYLA: siyempre! joke lang di ba? 

ENZO: Oh, it's your turn na, who's the lucky boy na nagugustuhan mo?

KYLA: Do you really want to know best? Parang di na dapat eh!

ENZO: Siyempre naman best, gusto ko malaman kung sino yung lucky boy na nagugustuhan ng bestfriend ko. At saka bakit hindi ko na dapat malaman? what do you mean ha? gumaganti ka ganun? 

KYLA: hindi naman masyado. Lucky boy nga siya unlucky girl naman ako. I think it's useless na, may girlfriend na siya.

ENZO: May gf na? Naku best, malabo na yan, maghanap ka na ng iba, masasaktan ka lang eh! Pero teka, ano naman kung mag gf na siya, anu kinalaman ko dun? Bakit nga di ko pwede malaman?


KYLA: basta best, I think it's better kung di na lang, Things will be easier that way.


ENZO: What do you mean? Hindi kita magets ha. (Biglang matatahimik)
Wait lang, don't tell me ako ang-

KYLA: Lucky boy na nagugustuhan ko... :(

The Undecided...

Graduation… all my life I had been waiting for this day. For this is the day I know I will make my parents so proud. The moment where I actually see my parents shed their tears of joy as they wear those smiles on their faces as well.

      All those things actually happened into my life. I did graduate from my bachelor’s degree of Mass Communication – Broadcast.  Just last April, five day before my birthday.

      I was one of the happiest persons on that day. I was even teary eyed as I texted my parents about how happy I am when I received my diploma and how thankful I am for I have a good and loving parents like them, I also told them how happy I am and that I dedicated my diploma to them. God! I was really very happy that day and no one can take that away.

      But after celebrating my birthday with my so called friends and devour myself from the happiness when I marched and received my diploma; when the month of May came, the boredom started killing me. It slowly had taken me from the dilemma that I don’t know how I got myself into.

      Now, who says that graduation is the end of a person’s misery in life? Yes, maybe in school but not in real world. Graduation is not where everything end and stop instead it opens a new chapter in your life, a start of a new beginning, a way that will lead you into the doors of different opportunities, of success and of the real world.

The dilemma that I am facing is slowly killing me. For I think that this dilemma is different from what my other classmates are experiencing.

It is the dilemma of not knowing what you really want into your life. That is true, at this point of time; I actually don’t know what I want, what or who I want to be. Will I pursue my dreams of being a successful writer or just let my weakness shudder all my dreams.

I later started feeling being enrolled in University of undecided where I face different exams and test.

I don’t know what to do…

I don’t know where to start…

Way back then I have many dreams, very determined to make them all come true. I have many plans, many goals, awards and achievements I want to achieve and gain.

      But now, I don’t know where all of those dreams and goals had gone to. All of them suddenly vanished in one click.

      My undetermined self soon started giving up. I suddenly felt so alone despite of the fact that I have many friends who are always there for me. And yet, I still feel that they would not understand how I feel. They might think that I am crazy or probably will tell me that I am just wasting my time for non sense things. That is the reason why I choose to just keep it to myself. Crying is all that I can do.

      Then, different problems of life suddenly touched my life and my family. That is the time when I finally realized that I have to bring my feet back on the ground. I try to be strong and enjoy me life. I knew right then that my parents needed me. I need to serve as their inspirations and not to be one of the problems that they have to deal with.

      So even though I have a broken dream and a broken heart, I try my best to get by.

The time came when the opportunity knows to my door unexpectedly. All of a sudden, I realize that I am finally entering the world of work.

      It somehow manages to make think that I can be the person that I always want to be. That I can make my dreams come true.

      I know that this blessing that I received is only temporary and that there is no assurance in my status yet. But these past few days, I am happy to say that my dreams, my plans and goal are coming back again. I still don’t know what I want but I will make it sure that whatever it is, I will not stop until I get what I want.

I will never give up and I won’t let anybody steal my dreams. 

I’m not saying this because I have to; I am saying this because I know I can. I can make all my dreams come true…

I only have to BELIEVE…. J

The Thing that I must do

I toss and turn to bed again

I never thought I would feel this pain.

I realized that there is nothing I gain

But I only have myself chained

With this feeling that makes me mad

Had all the things turn out bad

It’s true that you’re all that I ever had

And for that, I will always feel so glad

But lately everything been out of control

My heart suddenly had a hole

It’s killing me and slowly taking my soul

There’s no one else that I can call

To save me from this misery

It’s only me that can solve this mystery

We must now face the truth and accept the reality

All I want is a little space

To put everything back to place

I will do whatever it takes

I just want to be free for heaven’s sake

What we had has no direction

Hurting you is not my intention

But this is the thing that I must do

To stop us from feeling so blue

It’s not that I want to left you without a clue

I just can’t say that we are through

So please just understand

That I want you to let go of my hand... 

This one is for you...

Reminiscing all the good times we had
Now I wonder how everything seems to turn out so bad
We used to share all the fun and laughter
Pains and tears are gone when we're together

Everything suddenly change
When our feelings started to act so strange
We never know how did it start
Now we have to stop 'coz  it;s tearing us apart

You're a friend who is so hard to find
Our friendship is really one of a kind
You mean a lot to me can't you see
But to stay as friends is all I want is to be


Sorry for all the times that I hurt you.
I hope you know that I'm hurting too
Each time that I made you feel so blue
I hate myself more and that is true

Help me bring our yesterday back
Save our friendship and mend all the cracks
Ease all the pain
Let's start again

Ever since you came into my life
You took all the darkness and gave me the light
You're always there to give me a hand
You never dare to leave me behind

Losing a friend like you is never easy
My life would again be empty
And I don't want that to happen
So please just stop and listen.

Love come in many forms
And yes it can move mountains and storms
Love is always around
Especially, if a friendship like ours is found! :)

The Wish

I remember when I was young; I used to make a wish.
I always wish for someone to love me.
Someone who will accept me no matter how stupid or bad I am.
Someone who will never say goodbye and never leave me behind.
I never stop wishing until I grow up and started falling in love.
I used to love many people without getting anything in return.
I got hurt many times that I started to stop wishing.
I stop believing in love.
I denied the fact that I am a person that is capable of loving someone.
Then I close the door.

Until, someone came in my life.
Someone who unexpectedly grants my wish,
someone, who made me realize that there is something missing in my life.
But things did not go well between us.
Sadly, we couldn't be together.
We couldn't love each other,
Not the way we wanted to.
I accept that fact wholeheartedly and without regrets.
I thought I'll be fine.
But things got really crazy.
Again, I was hurt.
I was hurt so bad.
So bad that I used to cry every night
when I'm in front of my friends I try to fake a smile.
That Love drives me insane, it turn my world upside down.
But I couldn't let things go, I don't want to hurt that someone.
But One day I know, I have to...

And that day came,
I saw that someone cry and it breaks my heart.
I want to take all the words back but I couldn't.
All things had been said and done.
I know I couldn't stop it or reverse it back to yesterday.
I am decided.
These things must be done for the betterment of our lives.

Then I remember my wish.
Love must be so crazy.
He had done a way to make me believe in love again
But in a very crazy manner though.
He granted my wish to make me believe again.
When I realize that, I feel like regretting what I had wished for.
Because I know, my wish is something beyond impossible.
Or if it is meant to be true, Today wasn't the right time.
I also realize that Love would not give you what you want
Instead it will give you what you need.

When I was young I used to wish for someone to love me.
But I found no one, instead I found my friends.
It was like Love said: "You want a LOVER but a FRIEND is all that you need,"

I will Let you go...

I sat there quietly as I took a glance on my phone.
Still no text?!
I'm waiting like forever.
Now, maybe it's the sign.
Something isn't right anymore
I guess it's over....

Just like that.
My world suddenly wanted to crash.
Feels like I'm losing all that are important to me.
But there is nothing else that I can do...

It's now, the time to cut the line.
And no matter how hard it is,
I must be strong
I know it is for the best.

I tossed and turn to my bed, making this decision isn't really easy for me.
Although I know crying won't do me any good.
I still cry all the tears but the pain won't go away.
How stupid I am but there is nothing that I can do.

The clocks ticks away
I'm still awake..thinking...
Then I prayed that God will give me the wisdom to know if this decision of mine is good...
or if not, please just help me and guide me as I face the consequence of my decision.

And now...
whatever happens, there will no be no turning backs...
I'm decided....

For a friend

Endless friendship that is my Gift.
Memories of laughter, fun and even cheers
I'm so blessed because we're friends
Lucky that's what I am
In times of my troubles, you are there
Embracing me with your love and care.

At ngayon, ako sana'y may nais sabihin
Nananalangin na sana ay iyong dinggin
Na sana ay iyong pansinin, mga salitang aking sasambitin,
Emilie, Maraming Salamat at Maligayang Kaarawan! :)

Just Friends

I watched him slowly from the distance

And felt this pain again.

I missed him…

So much that I wanted to cry.

I wanted to talk to him but I don’t know what to say.

Will he listen to me and act as if nothing happened?
Will everything  be the way they were before?

I really don’t know.

I try to move an inch but I feel myself walk back.

My heart bleeds.

I could feel it slowly break into pieces.

It’s been days now since we last talk.

And even though, we used to see each other everyday,

It feels like years for me…

We were not like this before.

We were the best of friends.

And we’re always together.

Inseparable, they always say.

Until our feelings change,

It grows to something we never expected.

We even confessed it to each other

I was so glad that we feel the same way too.

I was so happy. He was too!

But despite of all, we agreed to be just friends.

But we had a lot of fun together,

We really had a great time.

Just when I thought everything was okay…

One day, he came to me and ask the question, I was always afraid to answer.

“Can’t we be more than friends?”

I felt myself froze.

I couldn’t speak.

I was speechless.

I don’t know what to say.

Will he understand me if I say “NO”?

I bet he will be mad at me, and then he will leave me.

Alone…

Yes, I do love him.

But our friendship means a lot to me that I couldn't afford to lose it.

But still I try to work things out.

I think carefully before I answered him.

I thought about the future,

I thought that if we give it a chance then if we broke up I might lose him.

Lose the friendship that I valued for how many years.

I don’t want to lose him either

So I just hope he would understand.

I know, no matter how hard and hurtful it is,

He will respect me.

I found myself walking away from him.

I didn't dare to look back.

I don’t want to see those looks in his eyes.

I don’t want to see him crying.

Oh God, I wish he knew how hard it is for me.

That I die the moment I walked away from him.

And leave him behind…

I felt my tears fell.

I slowly wipe it with my bare hands.

It’s been days now,

WE haven’t talk to each other after that.

I don’t know if it’s true but I feel like he was avoiding me

And it’s breaking my heart.

Oh God, I miss him so much!

I miss everything about him.
And all those times we spend together.
Especially now, I always see him with someone else.
And He seems so happy.

Everything is too late now

Nothing could turn us back the way we were before.

I turn around, preparing to leave,

But before that I took a quick glance at him.

Then found him, staring at me.

Then, He smiled.

I felt my heart beat fast.

All my pain suddenly disappeared.

It feels like the heaven’s gate had been opened for me.

My prayers had been answered.

Everything was fine again,

I thought…

I was about to walk towards him

But then I saw him move…

My world seems to stop

He was walking…

Away from me now…

My world suddenly stops revolving.

I stood there frozen.

I could feel my heart breaking.

I felt my tears rolled down my eyes.

I can no longer hold them back

Then, it started raining.

Still, I stood there.

I let myself be soaked under the rain.

As it pours down on me,

I burst out and fell down on my knees.

Wishing that it would wash all the pain that I am feeling.

The rain suddenly stopped,

I couldn't feel it on my skin.

Then, I feel a presence stood in front of me.

I slowly look up.

I saw him.

He stood there, holding an umbrella.

Sweetly, smiling at me.

Then, slowly, he held out his hand…

ANG ILANG PANG ARAW NG MISA DE GALLO

             Kinabukasan, pagkagising ko, isang text message ulet ang na-receive ko kay Nate. Simpleng "Good morning" lang iyon ngunit iyon ang naging simula ng pagkukwentuhan namin tungkol sa buhay-buhay ng isa't isa. Halos maghapon na 'ata kaming magkatext. Bagay na talagang ikinatuwa ko. Maraming bagay kasi akong nalaman tungkol sa kanya. Mga bagay na hindi ko akalaing sasabihin niya sa akin. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ganoon na kami ka-close. Animo'y matagal nang magkaibigan kahit na ang totoo'y ilang araw pa lang talaga kami magkasama. At dahil din sa mga text messages na iyon, nalaman ko na hindi naman pala suplado at masungit  si Nate. Makulet at mabait din pala siya.
Pero nakakapaniibago talaga ang mga pangyayari. Parang nung nakaraang linggo lang halos hindi ako pansinin ni Nate ngunit ngayon, ilang gabi na kaming magkasama, sabay na nagsisimba at ngayon ay magkatext pa.
Lubos kong ikinatutuwa ang mga nangyayari ngunit naisip ko din, hindi kaya sa text lang mabait si Nate? Paano kung sa personal na? Ganoon pam din kaya siya?

Hindi ko na nakita si Nate sa labas ng simbahan. Marami na din kasing tao sa loob kaya alam kong mahihirapan kami ni Nate na hanapin ang isa't isa. Pero teka, totoo ba ito? Ako ang naghahanap sa kanya? Ganoon na lang ang gulat ko nang mapagtanto ko yun.
Maya-maya ay biglang nag-vibrate ang cellphone ko sa aking bag. Inaasahan ko nang may magti-text.
"Hinahanap mo ba ako? :)" basa ko at may smiley face pa talaga ha.\
Dahil niloloko niya ako ay sinibukan ko din siyang lokohin.
"Hindi." sagot ko. Nag-text siya ulet. "Bakit ayaw mo na akong makita?"
"Ang ibig kong sabihin, Hindi...kasi wala ako sa simbahan, hindi ako magsisimba ngayon,"
"Talaga lang ha,:"
"Oo..."
"Eh sino kaya itong babaeng nakikita ko? naka-blue na Statement Shirt at naka-maong pants. Nakapony tail pa ang buhok,"
Ganoon na lang ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Paano niya nalaman ang suot ko? pati na ang ayos ng buhok ko? Muli kong inilibot ang aking mata upang hanapin siya. Pero dahil sa dami ng tao ay nahirapan akong mahagilap ang kinaroroonan niya.
"oh kita mo na, hinahanap mo ako," muling text ni Nate.
"San ka ba?" naiinis kong text sa kanya.
"hahaha! dito sa dating pwesto," agad ko siyang pinuntahan pagka-reply niya sa akin.
Nangpapalapit na ako'y kitang-kita ko ang mga ngitii sa kanyang mukha. Animo'y tuwang-tuwa siya na makita ako.
For the first time, nag-usap kami, nagkulitan, nagtawanan, halos hindi na kami nakinig ng misa.
Kaya nung sinita kami nung katabi namin ay nagpasya na lang kaming lumabas ng simbahan. at doon nag-usap.
Marami kaming napag-usapan. Para ngang hindi na kami naubusan.
Hanggang sa maka-uwi ako ay kausap ko pa din siya sa text. Bago matulog, katext ko pa din siya.

Muli akong hinitay ni Nate sa labas ng sinabahan, sabay na din kaming nagdasal at nakinig ng misa. Nagkwentuhan kami ulet pagkatapos.
"Nagugutom ako!" bigla na lang sabi ni Nate nang palabas kami ng simbahan. Nahulaan ko na ang susunod niyang sasabihin. Kinabahan na naman ako.
"Kain tayo..?" aya niya. Sabi ko na nga ba! Bumili agad ang tibok ng puso ko.
"Siguro naman, di mo na ako tatanggihan ngayon?" dagdag pa niya.
Hindi ako sumagot. Mukha yatang nabasa ni Nate ang iniisip ko. Kaya muli siyang nagsalita.
"Sige na...kahit yung bibingka lang, samahan mo akong kumain paborito ko kasi iyon eh!" sabay hinatak niya papunta sa isa sa mga nagkalat na tindahan ng bibingka at putong bubong sa paligid ng simbahan.
Wala na tuloy akong nagawa nung nilibre niya ako. Isang  mahinang "Thank you" na lang ang sinabi ko.
Nang dahil sa hiya ay natahimik ako at nakinig na lang sa mga kwento ni Nate habang kumakain kami.
Hinatid niya din ako sa may sakayan pagkatapos.
Papasok na sana ako ng bahay ng mareceive ko ang text ni Nate.
May tinanong siya sa akin...
Ang tanong na nagpagulo sa tahimik kong mundo....





To be continue... :)

MISA DE GALLO

Patapos na ang unang araw ng simbang gabi nang mapansin ng aking mga mata ang masungit at napakasupladong classmate pero talented at matalino na si Nate. Hindi ko akalain na doon din pala siya nagsisimba. Paalis na ako nang makita ko siyang nakangiti at kumaway sa akin. Lalapitan pa niya dapat ako ngunit hindi na natuloy dahil nakalabas na ako ng simbahan.

           Nagulat na naman ako nang makita ko ulet si Nate. Kadarating pa lang niya sa simbahan noon at ayun, suot na naman niya ang seryosong mukhang habang nililobot ang paningin sa buong simbahan na tila may hinahanap.  Akala ko pa nung una’y hindi niya ako papansinin, sanay naman ako. Sa school nga’y hindi ko naririnig ang boses niya, Ni Hi or Ho ay wala akong natatanggap sa kanya doon pa kaya? Umarte akong kunwari ay hindi ko siya nakita; ngunit ganoon na lang ang gulat ko nang muling mahagip ng aking mata si Nate na papalapit sa akin. Nakangiti pa siya habang naglalakad papunta sa aking kinaroronan.

“Hello classmate, paupo ha, tabi tayo,” narinig kong sabi niya at naupo nga siya sa tabi ko. Napatango na lang ako.

Nakakapanibago siya, palibasa’y ngayon ko lang siya nakitang nakangiti. Pero  hanga ako sa lakas ng loob niya, mi hindi nga niya alam ang pangalan ko. Pero  hinayaan ko na lang, baka sabihin niya pa ang suplado ko. Hindi naman ako katulad niya.

Pagkatapos noon ay hindi na kami nag-usap. Tahimik na lang kaming nagdasal at nakinign ng misa.

At nang matapos ito ay agad  akong nagpaalam sa kanya.

Paalis na sana ako nang marinig kong tinawag niya ang pangalan ko. “Sam, sandali lang,” habol nito. Gulat akong napalingon sa kanya. Alam naman pala niya ang pangalan ko, pacclassmate-classmate pa siya kanina. Nakita ko siyang nagalalakad papalapit sa akin.

“Uuwi ka na ba?” tanong niya.

“Oo..” sagot ko sabay tango. “Bakit?”

“Huwag ka muna umuwi, kain muna tayo,” pag-aaya niya. Para akong nabingi sa aking narinig. “Ha?!”

Naramdaman ko ang pagbilis ng tibok ng aking puso.

“Samahan mo naman akong kumain ng bibingka at puto bungbong,” aya niya ulet.

Lokong ito, nagpapasama lang pala. Dahil hindi naman talaga kami close mas pinili ko na lang na tumanggi.

“Pasensiya na Nate, nagmamadali ako eh! Baka hinhanap na ako sa’min,”

“Sandali lang naman eh! Sige na, ililibre kita,” pilit nito.

“Naku, ‘wag na, nakakahiya naman sa’yo,”

“Hindi ok lang, tara na,” pilit ni Nate pero patuloy pa din ang pagtanggi ko.

“Sorry talaga Nate, pero nagmamadali talaga ako,” at tuluyan na nga akong nagpaalam sa kanya.

     Nang sumunod na gabi ay nakita ko si Nate na nakatayo sa harap ng simbahan na tila may hinihintay. Seryoso na naman ang mukha niya. Malayong-malayo sa Nate na naka-usap ko nung nakaraang gabi. Pero nung nakita niya ako, nagbago bigla ang mukha niya, biglang gumuhit ang ngiti sa kanyang mukha.

Siya ang unang bumati sa akin at sabay kaming pumasok sa loob ng simbahan. As usual, muli kaming tahimik na nagdasal. Hindi na kami nag-usap hanggang sa matapos ang misa ngunit maka-iling beses ko din siyang nakitang lihim na sumusulyap sa akin. Nang matapos ulet ang misa, nag-aya ulet si Nate na kumain kami pero tumanggi ulet ako. Ewan ko ba, kahit anong bait niya, nahihiya talaga ako sa kanya. Pero hindi ko naman nais na tanggihan ang pagkakaibigang  inaalok niya.

Sinubukan niya muli akong pilitin ngunit mariin ang aking pagtanggi. Ikinagulat ko na lang ang sumunod na sinabi niya sa’kin.

“Dahil ayaw mo naman magpalibre, pahingi na lang ako ng number mo,” nakangiti pa siya nang sinabi niya iyon.

“Ha?!”

“Ang sabi ko pahingi ng number mo, hindi naman masama di ba? Mag-classmate naman tayo,”

"Para saan?" tanong ko habang inaabot ko ang cellphone niyang binigay niya sa'kin. Nagpasa akong ibigay ang number ko dahil alam ko namang hindi ako iti-text ni Nate. Isang napakamalaking himala niyon kapag nagkataon.

"Wala lang..." sagot niya pagkatapos niyang mai-save ang number ko. "iti-text kita ha, see you tomorrow,"

At agad siyang lumakad palayo at iniwan ako.

 Matutulog na sana ako nang bigla may magtext sa akin. Number lang ang flash sa screen. Kinabahan ako. Kahit di ko na basahin ang message ay mukhang alam ko na kung sino ang nagtext. At ang sabi: "Sabay tayo ulet magsimba bukas, hintayin kita. Gudnyt and Sweet Dreams! Paki save ang number ko. - Nate"

To be continue....

       

Breaking the rules. My Random Thoughts and Pure Feelings...

Habang tinatayp ko ito, isa lang ang nasa isip ko: Gusto ko mag-BLOG! as in literal na Blog.

This is not gonna be like my other blogs where I posted poems and shorts stories. This is not one of my literary work. I know when I post this blog means I'm gonna break my rules when it comes to my blogs. No more literary works this time. Just pure thoughts and feelings.





A while ago, I tweeted in my twitter account "Why can't I get you off my mind. Di tuloy ako makapagconcentrate sa ginagawa ko T_T"


Kahit ngayong ginagawa ko ito siya pa din ang nasa isip ko. Hay...pag-ibig nga naman? Pag-ibig nga ba ito? Hindi ko talaga alam. Nababaliw aang yata ako.
Pag-ibig. 'yan din ang dahilan kung bakit hindi maganda ang pagsisimula ng taon para sa'kin. May isang bagay akong ginawa na di ako sigurado kung tama nga ba o hindi. 


When all has been said and done, natanong ko nga sa sarili ko kung ito nga ba ang gusto ko? Am I brave enough to let go, close the doors and be alone forever?
Hay...ang emo ko na naman. Pero totoo yan. Parang ayoko na....
Ayoko na magmahal. Hindi naman laging nasusuklian.Nung nasuklian naman. Alam kong madaming pwedeng komontra...


Ano ba naman to! Bakit ang malas ko?! Palagi na lang akong sawi...Hay...

Ayoko na talaga! Hindi na akong maniniwala sa love. hindi na ako magmamahal. Pipilitin kong kalimutan ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. Susubukan kong mahalin siya bilang kaibigan na lamang.

Pero teka, bigla ko na namang naalala ang tweet ko kanina. Bakit ko pa din siya iniisip?

Kahit ngayon habang ginagawa ko ito ay siya ang nasa isip ko... (ay, umulet)

Naalala ko tuloy kanina, nung nakita ko siya. 


Nang dumatng ang 2011. Pakiramdam ko naiwan ko lahat ng kasiyahan ko sa 2010. 
Kaya nung nagsimula ang klase pakiramdam ko ang lungkot lungkot ko. Pakiramdam ko malas ako ngayong 2011. Pakiramdam ko, natapos na ang takbo ng buhay ko nung matapos din ang 2010.


Pero kanina...parang biglang ngabago ang isip ko!


Nakita ko lang siyang nakangiti parang umayos bigla ang magulo kong mundo.


Narealize ko, okey na sa akin ang ganito. Kahit hindi man mangyari at alam kong kahit kailan hindi na mangyayari ang bagay na gusto ko. Atleast, masaya ako.
Kasi alam ko andyan siya...


Pero siyempre, hindi pa din mawawala sa akin na hangarin na sana ay magkaroon ako ng pagkakataon na masabi ko sa kanya ang tunay kong nadarama.... 






The End of my blog...tama na at baka kung ano pa ang masabi ko! :p