Wednesday, June 30, 2010

“FORGET-ME-NOT”

Rain was on her way home when the rain started to drizzle. To avoid herself be soaked under the rain, she turn around to find a shelter until she saw that big old tree standing not so far a way from where she was. 
She hurriedly runs towards it and she reaches it before the rain could touch her skin. Then, the rain started to pour down hard. She just stayed there and waited for the rain to stop but it never did. Thunder roar and lightning crash, Rain felt scared, she doesn’t know what to do now. Her heart never stops from beating so fast. She really wanted to go home but she can’t. This is what she gets from not bringing an umbrella with her. She wanted to cry but thought that it won’t help. But then, she calms herself and decided to pray. She wishes for someone to come and help her. She had no choice but to wait, it was the only that she could do. Until time passes her by, no one came to help and it was still raining hard. Rain could not take it anymore. She breaks down on her knees and cries. Her tears falls like the rain, hard and never ending. 
Suddenly, she felt a presence approaching her, she knew someone came but she refused to believe. “Rain...” she heard a man’s voice calling her name. His voice sounds familiar she thought but she couldn’t figure out who he is. Rain look up to face him. He was standing in front of her, holding an umbrella. She saw him smiled. Rain realized that she doesn’t know him but he looked familiar though. She knew she’d seen him somewhere but she couldn’t remember when and where. “Hi, do you still remember me?” she heard him asked. It was because of that question that made Rain realize that he was the same boy she always sees in her dreams. He used to ask that same question too. When she didn’t reply, he would walk away. Rain was about to answer him when he said. “It’s alright if you don’t, I came to help you,” then he hand her his hand to help her to stand. Rain wiped her falling tears and then she took his hands. “Thank you,” she said smiling at him. They walk under the rain silently. She could still feel his hands holding hers. She stared at her secretly but was surprised when she saw him staring at her too. It was because of her curiosity that she decided to ask for his name. 
“You know, I really don’t want to ask you this, but can you please tell me who you are?” she asked. She saw him break into a smile.

“My name is Tracy...” he answered in a girl’s voice.
“Tracy?” she asked surprised and almost wondering. “Yes I’m Tracy, your sister!” she replied again.
 Rain opens her eyes and saw her sister smiling and sitting beside her. She got up to bed surprisingly.
“What are you doing here?” she asked irritated. Then she realizes that the hand that she was holding was her sister's, she let it go instatntly. Her sister broke into a laugh. “Not funny! What are you doing here Tracy?” She told angrily. Tracy smiles at her. ”Happy Birthday sis!” she greeted. Suddenly, her anger disappeared. She was touched. “Aww...thank you Tracy,” Then they hug each other. They both jump up to bed when they hear the loud roaring of thunder outside. “It’s raining?” Rain asked Tracy as she walked towards the window and peered outside. “what’s new? It's always raining on your birthday,” Tracy said. “Really? Is that the reason why I’m called rain?” Tracy nodded. “Yes!” she Tracy stood beside her and saw her expression change. “I wish I could remember everything,” Rain said sadly as she held a deep sigh. Tracy felt the same way too. “Aww... don’t worry, you will sis, just keep on believing,” she told Rain and gently put her hand on her shoulder. Rain manages to smile though her eyes really wanted to cry.


 “Tracy, I’m just going out, I’ll be back soon,” Rain yelled at her sister as she closes the door behind her. She opens her umbrella and was about to leave when she notice a bouquet of flower laying in their door step. It was a bouquet of Forget-me-not flowers. A smile curved to her face as she picks it up but she when she was holding it, her head suddenly aches, and a memory flash through her mind.

Rain saw herself sitting beside this boy, he gave her the flower. Because it was her first time to see a flower like that she ask him what it is. “It’s a forget-me-not,” the boy said. “That’s my favourite flower, and it’s also my gift for you so that you won’t forget me someday...” the boy said. “Forget you? Why would I?” 

Rain saw herself asked. Then everything went blurry after that. Rain decided to ignore the pain and read the card instead, “Happy birthday!” the card said, “I wish you still remember me,” the card doesn’t have a name, and Rain wondered who gave it. She decided to look around, hoping to see that someone who gave the flowers and she never failed, she see a boy moving away from their house. “Wait!” she called out. He looks back at her but when he saw her, he walk away. Rain followed him. “Wait please! Don’t go!” she called out again. “I only want to thank you!” but he didn't stop, he wasn't even listening.
Rain continued following him. They boy started to run, Rain run too.
Her head started to ache again, and then she remembers something.

0"Wait, Marcus, don’t leave me please,” she called out to him. She was following a boy, a boy she called Marcus. The boy keeps on running and ignored everything she said. But she never stop and she still run after him. “Rain, go home now, stop following me!” she heard him shouted back. “Please don’t leave me Marcus, why are you leaving me?” the boy did not answer.

 Everything went blurry again. Rain saw him moving far away now, so she started to run. “Wait!” she called out again. “Just tell me who you are please,” Because she was running after the boy she did not notice the approaching car. She just heard the loud horn and saw that bright light that almost stops her heart from beating.
Then everything went blank.

 Rain was on her way home when the rain started to drizzle. To avoid herself be soaked under the rain, she turn around to find a shelter until she saw that big old tree standing not so far a way from where she was. Rain hurriedly runs towards it and she reaches it before the rain could touch her skin. Then, the rain started to pour down hard. She just stayed there and waited for the rain to stop but it never did. Thunder roar and lightning crash, Rain felt scared, she doesn’t know what to do now. Her heart never stops from beating so fast. She really wanted to go home but she can’t. This is what she gets from not bringing an umbrella with her. She wanted to cry but thought that it won’t help. But then, she calms herself and decided to pray. She wishes for someone to come and help her. She had no choice but to wait it was the only that she could do. Until time passes her by, no one came to help and it was still raining hard. Rain could not take it anymore. She breaks down on her knees and cries. Her tears falls like the rain, hard and never ending. Suddenly, she felt a presence approaching her, she knew someone came but she refused to believe. “Rain...” she heard a man’s voice calling her name.. Rain look up to face him. He was standing in front of her. She saw him smiled. Rain smiled too. “Marcus...” she got up and hugs him. “Thank God you’re here,” she told him when she let him go. “I came here to take you home but too bad I don’t have an umbrella too,” he told her. Rain broke into a smile. “That’s alright, let just wait for the rain to stop,” Marcus hand her something. It was a flower. Because it was her first time to see a flower like that she ask him what it is. “It’s a forget-me-not, that’s my favorite flower,” he told. “Wow! It’s beautiful, but Marcus, why are you giving me this?” “That’s my gift for you so that you won’t forget me someday...” Marcus replied. “Forget you? Why would I?” she asked wondering. “I could never forget you, you’re my best friend,” Marcus bitterly smiled. “I know... but let’s just say, that’s my gift for you on your birthday,” “But Marcus, it’s not yet my birthday, you should give me this on that day,” she told him. “But I don’t think that I will be here on your birthday,” Marcus said. Rain was surprised in what she heard. “What? What are you saying?” “Rain, I’m leaving, my family is moving to states today” he told her sadly as the lightning crash. “That’s not true, you’re just joking right?” Rain refuses to believe him. “No...I’m serious,” she heard him said. She couldn't help it, she felt her tears slowly falling down her eyes. ”No, you’re just joking, I know, you won’t leave me,” “I really don’t want to Rain but I have no choice,” he told her. “and besides, it’s just the place Rain, nothing will ever change, you’re still my bestfriend and I won’t forget you forever,” Marcus hugs her. “But why leave today? Why not tomorrow, I still don’t have a gift for you, you know something to remember,” Rain tried to hold back her tears. “I have enough memories to remember about you Rain,” he told her smiling as he wipes her tears. “I’m sorry Rain...” he said. “I really don’t want to make you cry,” Rain wanted to tell him something but she stop when they heard Marcus’ phone ring. It was a text. She saw Marcus’ expression changes as he read it. “I have to go now,” he said softly then hugs her again. “Goodbye Rain, I won’t forget you,” he whispered then let her go. He started to walk away. Rain tried to stop him but he was far away now. She runs after him. “wait, Marcus, don’t leave me please,” she called out. But Marcus ignored her and he didn’t look back. “Rain, go home now, stop following me!” she heard him shouted back. “Please don’t leave me Marcus, why are you leaving me?” Marcus did not answer. Rain saw him moving far away now. Even though she was soaking, she didn’t stop, she still run after him. Because she was busy following him, she did not notice the approaching car. She felt herself froze when she saw it coming. She couldn’t move. She just heard the loud horn and saw that bright light that almost stops her heart from beating. 

Then everything went blank.

Rain felt the rain slowly touching her skin, it had awakened her. She feels someone holding her and calling her name. The sound of the voice is familiar; she had heard it many times before. She gently opens her eyes and a smile curved on her face when she saw him. “It’s you...” she said as got up and sits beside him. Rain remembered everything now, the memory that she saw happened two months ago before her birthday.
“The way you wanted it,” The boy smiled and hand the flower back to her. “Happy birthday! Do you remember me now?”

The Name

Everything since imperfect since you came
Happiness isn’t even in the frame
I always have myself to blame
For this feeling that brought me to shame

And now this feeling  drives me insane
I never want to feel the pain
Our friendship is all I want to maintain
Don’t want myself to fall again

Remembering the times we had
The smile and laughter that makes me glad
The way you tease me never makes me mad
It wasn’t even intended to make me sad

Loving a friend is never easy
Sometimes, it will drive you crazy
I try to forget you, i keep myself busy
And now, I think I feel so sorry

Just to see your smile, I’m fine
I will just ignore the signs this time
Don’t really want to make you mine
For me, that’s a crime

Over and over again, I try
But it only makes me cry
I let the days pass by
I just can’t really say goodbye

Hoping that this feeling will just fade away
Friends forever we will stay
And that is all I could ever pray
Everything will always be this way

No words can ever express how I really feel
Or have someone to suggest it’s real
This feeling that I would conceal
To let you know, maybe I never will.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Andito lang ako...

Natagpuan ko naman ang sarili na nakatingin sa kanya, pinapanood ang bawat kilos, pinagmamasdan ang bawat galaw. Kahit ilang silya lang ang layo ko sa kanya, pakiramdam ko'y ilang milya ang layo ko sa kanya. Magkaibigan naman kami. Araw-araw nagkikita. Araw- araw na magkasama. Palagi pa kaming magka-usap, magkatext at magkachat pa. Kahit malaya naming napag-uusapan ang lahat ng bagay; may isang bagay pa din akong hindi masabi sa kanya. At sa tingin ko, kahit kailan ay hinding-hindi ko na masasabi iyon. Ok naman ang lahat dati, simpleng kaibigan lang ang tingin ko sa kanya, isang kapatid at katropa. Pero bigla na lang nagbago ang ihip ng hangin. Heto na ako ngayon, tuliro at hindi mapakali sa kaka-isip sa kanya. Hindi ko man lang namalayan kung paano ito nagsimula, o kailan ko ito unang nadama. Gumising na lang ako isang umaga, hindi ko na siya kayang mawala sa buhay ko.Na iba na ang nararamdaman ko. Kayrami na pa lang nagbago. Natauhan ako nang tawagin niya ang pangalan ko. Tapos na pala ang klase. Halos ako na nga lang ang naka-upo at ang iba ay umaalis na. "tara na, uwi na tayo," sabi niya sabay ngiti. Napangiti na lang din ako. Agad kaming umalis pagkatayo ko. Habang naglalakad kami pauwi na pansin ko na malungkot siya. magtatanong sana ako pero siya na itong kusang nagkwento tungkol sa taong lihim niya ding iniibig at ang dahilan ng kanyang kalungkutan. Ayaw ko ng ganitong pakiramdam. Parang dinidurog ang puso ko. Parang gusto kong awayin ang taong iyon. Loko siya! paano niya nagagawang paluhain ang taong pinakamamahal ko?! hay...Nasasaktan ako kapag nakikita ko siyang malungkot. Gustohin ko mang pasayahin siya, alam ko naman na kahit kailan hindi ako ang taong makakapagpasaya sa kanya. Pero siyempre, bilang kaibigan niya, pinilit ko siyang aloin. Pinilit ko siyang pangitiin. At kahit sandali nga ay napasay ko siya. Atleast, ayun ang sabi niya "Thank you! kasi andyan ka..." Natuwa naman ako. Alam niya pala 'yon. Doon pa lang masaya na ako. Tanggap ko na naman eh! Iba ang gusto niya at hindi 'yon ako. Pero siyempre, sinasabi ko lang ito; kapag nakikita ko na siya na kasama niya ang mhal niya, Nasasaktan pa din ako. Patuloy sa pagdugo ang puso ko. Patuloy sa pagkirot. Kainis! bakit ba kasi sa dinami-dami ng taong pwede kong mahalin, bakit ikaw pa? Hay...kailan kaya ako magiging sa katotohanan. Hanggang kailan kaya ako magiging ganito? Sana bukas, wala na...sana bumalik na lang sa dati ang lahat. Ang hirap pala talaga magmahal. Bakit ba naimbento pa yun? may mga taong sumasaya dahil sa pag-ibig. May mga tao naman lumuluha dahil dito. May mga taong nagbabago, sa postibo at negatibong paraan. May mga tao pang nababaliw ng dahil sa Pag-ibig. Ilan kaya ako sa mga iyon? Dati, hindi ako naniniwala sa love, para sa'kin, hindi applicable salitang iyon. Pero sa tuwing titingin ako sa kanya, kinakain ko lahat ng sinsabi ko. Heto na naman ako, nahuli ko na naman ang sarili kong nakatingin sa kanya. Hanggang ganito na lang kasi ako, patingin-timgin na lang. Desidido na akong itago na lang ang nararamdaman ko. Wala naman kasing dahilan pa para malaman niya. Para ano? guluhin ko ang tahimik niya mundo? wag na no! baka layuan niya lang ako. Sapat na ang ganito kami: MAGKAIBIGAN. Tama na sa'king mahalin ko siya kahit sa malayo...Atleast, alam ko na alam niya na Andito lang ako...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

“Ang Mali sa Katahimikan”

Heto na naman ako...gigising, kakain, papasok sa eskwela, uuwi, matutulog. Sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, ganito ako. Paulet-ulet na lang. Halos walang pagbabago. Sa eskwela, ako ang sakit ng ulo; Lahat ng guro ay galit sa akin sa kadahilanang hindi ko maintindihan. Halos walang araw na hindi ako napagalitan. Kahit sa bahay ako pa din ang napag-iinitan. Kasalanan ko ba kung mahina ang aking utak at hindi agad maintindihan ang tinuturo nila? Kasalanan ko ba kung hindi ako magising ng maaga kaya lagi akong huli sa klase? Tuwing darating pa ako’y quiz na gad. Ano kaya ang maisasagot ko? Eh di wala! Gabi-gabi na lang kung magsigawan ang aking mga magulang; halos hindi na ako makatulog ng dahil sa ingay. Sa umaga naman, sa aking paggising, sermon ni Inay ang aking almusal. Buntunan ng galit ng aking Ina. Kasalanan ko ba kung kamukha ko ang aking ama? Eh sa kanya naman ako nanggaling. Bakit kaya ako na lang ang lagi nilang nakikita? Lagi na lang may mali sa bawat kilos ko? wala na ba talaga akong ginawang tama? Kung tutuusin, hindi naman talaga nila ako naiintindihan. Wala naman talagang nakakaintindi sakin kundi ang sarili ko lang. Kaya madalas akong mag-iisa. Sa totoo lang, mas gusto kong mag-isa at magkulong na lang sa aking silid. Sa loob nito ko natatagpuan ang sarili kong mundo.Ang katahimikang nais ko. Isang pikit ko lang sa'king mata'y andoon na ako. Malaya ko nang madadama ang katahimikan, aarte akong walang pakialam sa gulong nagaganap sa labas. Kunwari'y hindi ko naririnig ang ingay at sigawan na unti unting pumapatay sa aking katinuan. Ngunit kahit na ipikit ko ang aking mga mata’y rinig ko pa rin ang ingay. Ang walang humpay na sigawan, nakakabinging bangayan na parang wala nang katapusan. Palagi na lang ganito. Ayoko na. Nakakasawa na...

 Nang imulat ko ang aking mata'y liwanag agad ang aking nakita. Katahimikan agad ang umalingawngaw sa aking tainga. Napabalikwas ako ng bangon. Kinabahan ako bigla, bakit kaya tahimik? Nasa’n ang aking magulang? Nang lumabas ako ng aking silid ay natuwa ako nang makita ko ang aking ama at ina at isang malalim na buntong hininga ang pinakawalan ko pagkatapos. Kapwa tahimik na ang mga ito at abala sa kani-kanilang ginagawa. Si ina abala sa pagliligpit ng ilang gamit habang si itay naman ay tahimik na naka-upo sa may labasan. Muli akong bumalik sa aking silid at naghanda na sa pagpasok. Katulad pa din ng dati, hindi umimik ang aking mga magulang nang magpaalam ako sa kanila. Ganoon naman sila lagi, walang pakialam sa ’kin. Sanay na ako, marahil kapag ako ang nawala’y ni hindi nila ako hahanapin. Hindi ko naman sila nakitaan ng kahit konting pagmamahal man lang sa akin kahit kailan. 

Nakakapanibago ang katahimikan sa aking eskwelahan nang ako’y dumating. Walang katiting na ingay akong narinig. Nang marating ko ang aking ang silid-aralan ay nagsisimula na ang klase. Nahuli na pala ako. Dahan-dahan akong pumasok, sa pagdaan ko sa harap ng aking guro ay laking gulat ko nang wala akong marinig na kahit anong pagpapagalit sa kanya. Tahimik akong naupo sa aking silya at sinubukan kong makinig. Hindi naman pala mahirap intindihin ang mga sinasabi nila at napatunayan ko sa sarili ko na hindi naman pala ako bobo o tanga. Ang nakakaasar lang ay wala mi isa sa aking guro ang nagpa-quiz. Sayang! At sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, Wala akong natanggap na kahit ano mula sa kanila. At himala, hindi rin ako napagalitan ngayon. Pero buong araw kong hinintay na ako’y mapansin at marinig ang nakakabinging sigaw ng aking mga guro. Buong araw kong hinintay na lapitan nila ako at sila’y magsalita. Ngunit natapos na lahat ang aking mga klase’y hindi man lang nila ako napansin na para bang wala ako sa lugar na iyon. Daig ko pa ang hangin na kahit hindi nakikita ngunit nadarama naman. Imbes na ikatuwa ko ang mga pangyayari’y, ako pa ay nabahala. Parang hindi kumpleto ang araw ko. Parang may mali sa araw na ito.

Nang pauwi na ako’y saka ko naisipang maglakad-lakad. Bagay na hindi ko naman talaga ginagawa. Gustong sulitin ang katahimikan. Baka kasi pagdating ko sa aking bahay ay ang ingay na naman ang aking madatnan. Naglakad ako ng naglakad hanggang sa dalhin ako ng aking mga paa sa isang simbahan. Ikinagulat ko talaga nang matagpuan ko ang sarili ko na pumasok ng loob nito. Matagal-tagal na din kasi nung huli akong bumisita sa tahanan ng Diyos. At natuwa ako sa katahimikang bumungad sa akin. Tahimik akong naupo doon, at taimtim na nagdasal. At sa gitna ng aking pagdadasal ay saka ko lang napansin ang mag-ina na naka-upo hindi kalayuan sa’kin. Tahimik na nagdadasal ang kanyang Ina samantalang yung bata, walang humpay sa pagtatanong ng kung anu-ano. Pero kahit na naiinis ay sagot pa din ng sagot ang kanyang ina. Naisip ko bigla, kailan ba ako nagtanong sa aking magulang? kailan ba ako nakialam sa kanila? Hindi pa kahit minsan. Sagutin kaya nila ako kung sakali? Bakit kaya hindi ko subukan? Tama. Magtatanong ako pagdating ako pagdating ko ng bahay. Makikialam na ako.
 Tahimik pa din ang bahay ng ako ay dumating. Walang ingay o ano mang sigawan. Iniisip ko na lang na baka tapos na ang kaguluhan. Naka-upo sa may labasan ang aking ama, may hawak na namang beer sa kanyang kamay. Nang dumaan ako sa kanyang harapan, inaasahan ko nang makakarinig ako ng sermon mula sa kanya. Ganoon na lang ang aking pagtataka nang wala akong marinig, ni hindi rin siya tumingin man lang sa akin. Hindi ko na lang iyon pinansin, “mabuti nga ‘yon” sa loob-loob ko. Labis talaga akong nanibago nang pumasok ako ng aming bahay. Nang dahil sa katahimikan ay tila nawalan ng buhay ang buong kabahayan. Kahit ang katiting na sigla at kasayahan na kahit papaano’y matatagpuan pa sa aming kabahayan ay tila nawala na rin. Papasok na sana ako sa aking silid nang marinig ko ang isang iyak na agad kong nalaman kung saan nanggaling. Sa silid ng aking mga magulang, dahan-dahan akong sumilip at muli kong nakita ang aking ina na umiiyak. Sanay na naman ako, lagi naman siyang umiiyak. Pero hindi ko alam kung bakit nanatili pa din akong nakatayo doon gayong ayoko naman talagang makitang umiiyak ang aking ina. Patuloy kong pinanood ang pag-agos ng kanyang luha hanggang sa mapansin ko ang bagay na kanyang tangan-tangan, isang larawan ang kanyang iniiyakan. “anak, bakit ang aga mong lumisan?” narinig kong sambit niya. Sa aking pagkagulat, natagpuan ko na lang ang sarili na dahan-dahang lumalapit sa aking ina. Nang bitawan niya ang larawan, tumambad sa aking mga mata ang aking sariling larawan. “Anak, mahal ka naman namin eh! Bakit mo ako iniwan?” sabay hagulgol ng iyak. Para akong nanigas sa aking kinatatayuan nang marinig ko iyon. Iniwan? Ganoon na lang ang aking pagtataka. “Inay, andito ako,” sabi ko sa kanya. Ngunit parang wala siyang narinig. “Inay?!” sinubukan ko pa siyang sigawan ngunit wala pa ring nangyari. Hindi ko matanggap ang aking narinig. Patay na ba ako? Tanong ko sa aking sarili ngunit kahit anong gawin ko’y hindi ko matagpuan ang kasagutan. Sinubukan kong magwala, magsisigaw ngunit hindi pa rin nila ako pinansin. Nanatili sila sa kanilang kinatatayuan na parang bang hindi nila ako nakita. Nanatili silang nakalugmok doon at kapwa umiiyak. Paulet-ulet na sinasambit ang aking pangalan. Pero wala akong magawa. Gustuhin ko mang aluin sila ay kailanma’y hindi ko na magagawa. Saka ko lang naintindihan ang lahat. Saka lang tuluyan bumalik sa aking gunita ang mga nangyayari. Kung bakit walang pumapansin sa’kin, kung bakit sila tahimik. Hindi pala nila ako nakikita. Isa na lang pala akong kaluluwang ligaw na hanggang ngayon ay naghahanap pa rin ng atensyon. Akala ko’y natagpuan ko na ang katahimikan, ngunit nalaman kong mali ako. Wala pala sa katahimikan ang kasagutan. May mabuting dulot din pala ang ingay, ang sigawan, ang bangayan. Dahil doon, alam kong nakikita nila ako, napapansin nila ako. Ayoko ng ganito. Mas gusto kong bumalik sa dati. Mas gusto ko nang marinig ang ingay. Kahit araw-araw pa nila akong pagalitan. Dahil doon alam kong buhay ako at may halaga ako sa mundo. Ayoko na, ayoko na, ayoko na! 

Nagising ako nang dahil sa isang malakas na katok sa aking pintuan, kasabay noon ang nakakabinging pagsigaw ng aking ina. Dahan-dahan kong iminulat ang aking mata. Sa pagbangon ko muli kong narinig ang nakakainis na ingay sa labas. Ngunit imbles na ikainis ko iyon ay isang matamis na ngiti ang gumuhit sa aking mga labi. Nang lumabas ako ng pinto ay bumungad agad sa’kin ang galit na mukha ng aking ina. At kahit na nakakabingi ang kanyang mga sigaw, hindi ko napigilan ang sarili na yakapin siya. Heto na naman ako...gigising, kakain, papasok sa eskwela, uuwi, matutulog. Sa araw-araw na ginawa ng Diyos, ganito ako. Paulet-ulet na lang. Halos walang pagbabago. Sa eskwela, ako ang sakit ng ulo; Lahat ng guro ay galit sa akin. Walang araw na hindi ako napagalitan. Kahit sa bahay ako pa din ang napag-iinitan. Pero ok nang ganito ako kesa mabuhay ako muli sa katahimikang walang katotohanan.

“I Hate Talking nor Explaining my side to anyone”

I hate silence. Silence hurts my ears. I don’t like talking. I don’t talk too much, though my friends say I’m talkative. I just don’t like talking to strangers. I choose the persons I’m going to talk with. Because I’m afraid that they might not understand me. So afraid that they might judge me. And personally, I hate talking nor explaining my side to anyone.
 But when I’m alone, I look for someone. Someone I could to talk. Someone to share my feelings. Someone who would listen but not to sympathize. ‘coz I hate the silence, the silence kills me but still I hate talking nor explaining my side to anyone.
 “To speak or not to speak” I always think of that ‘coz I don’t know where to stand. When I say something they’ll get mad. When I don’t, they still get mad. Now, I don’t know what to do. That’s why I hate talking nor explaining my side to anyone.
 I love writing. I used to write stories. Stories that represent my fantasies. They say writing is just a hobby. My friends say it’s my talent. I say it’s my passion. But why can’t I write my feelings if I’m afraid to say it? Through writing I can always talk without speaking. But still I refuse to write coz they might not appreciate it. But I want them to understand me. I want them to appreciate me. I want them to know how I feel. But I hate talking nor explaining my side to anyone...
But now, I am writing...