Just Friends

I watched him slowly from the distance

And felt this pain again.

I missed him…

So much that I wanted to cry.

I wanted to talk to him but I don’t know what to say.

Will he listen to me and act as if nothing happened?
Will everything  be the way they were before?

I really don’t know.

I try to move an inch but I feel myself walk back.

My heart bleeds.

I could feel it slowly break into pieces.

It’s been days now since we last talk.

And even though, we used to see each other everyday,

It feels like years for me…

We were not like this before.

We were the best of friends.

And we’re always together.

Inseparable, they always say.

Until our feelings change,

It grows to something we never expected.

We even confessed it to each other

I was so glad that we feel the same way too.

I was so happy. He was too!

But despite of all, we agreed to be just friends.

But we had a lot of fun together,

We really had a great time.

Just when I thought everything was okay…

One day, he came to me and ask the question, I was always afraid to answer.

“Can’t we be more than friends?”

I felt myself froze.

I couldn’t speak.

I was speechless.

I don’t know what to say.

Will he understand me if I say “NO”?

I bet he will be mad at me, and then he will leave me.

Alone…

Yes, I do love him.

But our friendship means a lot to me that I couldn't afford to lose it.

But still I try to work things out.

I think carefully before I answered him.

I thought about the future,

I thought that if we give it a chance then if we broke up I might lose him.

Lose the friendship that I valued for how many years.

I don’t want to lose him either

So I just hope he would understand.

I know, no matter how hard and hurtful it is,

He will respect me.

I found myself walking away from him.

I didn't dare to look back.

I don’t want to see those looks in his eyes.

I don’t want to see him crying.

Oh God, I wish he knew how hard it is for me.

That I die the moment I walked away from him.

And leave him behind…

I felt my tears fell.

I slowly wipe it with my bare hands.

It’s been days now,

WE haven’t talk to each other after that.

I don’t know if it’s true but I feel like he was avoiding me

And it’s breaking my heart.

Oh God, I miss him so much!

I miss everything about him.
And all those times we spend together.
Especially now, I always see him with someone else.
And He seems so happy.

Everything is too late now

Nothing could turn us back the way we were before.

I turn around, preparing to leave,

But before that I took a quick glance at him.

Then found him, staring at me.

Then, He smiled.

I felt my heart beat fast.

All my pain suddenly disappeared.

It feels like the heaven’s gate had been opened for me.

My prayers had been answered.

Everything was fine again,

I thought…

I was about to walk towards him

But then I saw him move…

My world seems to stop

He was walking…

Away from me now…

My world suddenly stops revolving.

I stood there frozen.

I could feel my heart breaking.

I felt my tears rolled down my eyes.

I can no longer hold them back

Then, it started raining.

Still, I stood there.

I let myself be soaked under the rain.

As it pours down on me,

I burst out and fell down on my knees.

Wishing that it would wash all the pain that I am feeling.

The rain suddenly stopped,

I couldn't feel it on my skin.

Then, I feel a presence stood in front of me.

I slowly look up.

I saw him.

He stood there, holding an umbrella.

Sweetly, smiling at me.

Then, slowly, he held out his hand…

ANG ILANG PANG ARAW NG MISA DE GALLO

             Kinabukasan, pagkagising ko, isang text message ulet ang na-receive ko kay Nate. Simpleng "Good morning" lang iyon ngunit iyon ang naging simula ng pagkukwentuhan namin tungkol sa buhay-buhay ng isa't isa. Halos maghapon na 'ata kaming magkatext. Bagay na talagang ikinatuwa ko. Maraming bagay kasi akong nalaman tungkol sa kanya. Mga bagay na hindi ko akalaing sasabihin niya sa akin. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ganoon na kami ka-close. Animo'y matagal nang magkaibigan kahit na ang totoo'y ilang araw pa lang talaga kami magkasama. At dahil din sa mga text messages na iyon, nalaman ko na hindi naman pala suplado at masungit  si Nate. Makulet at mabait din pala siya.
Pero nakakapaniibago talaga ang mga pangyayari. Parang nung nakaraang linggo lang halos hindi ako pansinin ni Nate ngunit ngayon, ilang gabi na kaming magkasama, sabay na nagsisimba at ngayon ay magkatext pa.
Lubos kong ikinatutuwa ang mga nangyayari ngunit naisip ko din, hindi kaya sa text lang mabait si Nate? Paano kung sa personal na? Ganoon pam din kaya siya?

Hindi ko na nakita si Nate sa labas ng simbahan. Marami na din kasing tao sa loob kaya alam kong mahihirapan kami ni Nate na hanapin ang isa't isa. Pero teka, totoo ba ito? Ako ang naghahanap sa kanya? Ganoon na lang ang gulat ko nang mapagtanto ko yun.
Maya-maya ay biglang nag-vibrate ang cellphone ko sa aking bag. Inaasahan ko nang may magti-text.
"Hinahanap mo ba ako? :)" basa ko at may smiley face pa talaga ha.\
Dahil niloloko niya ako ay sinibukan ko din siyang lokohin.
"Hindi." sagot ko. Nag-text siya ulet. "Bakit ayaw mo na akong makita?"
"Ang ibig kong sabihin, Hindi...kasi wala ako sa simbahan, hindi ako magsisimba ngayon,"
"Talaga lang ha,:"
"Oo..."
"Eh sino kaya itong babaeng nakikita ko? naka-blue na Statement Shirt at naka-maong pants. Nakapony tail pa ang buhok,"
Ganoon na lang ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Paano niya nalaman ang suot ko? pati na ang ayos ng buhok ko? Muli kong inilibot ang aking mata upang hanapin siya. Pero dahil sa dami ng tao ay nahirapan akong mahagilap ang kinaroroonan niya.
"oh kita mo na, hinahanap mo ako," muling text ni Nate.
"San ka ba?" naiinis kong text sa kanya.
"hahaha! dito sa dating pwesto," agad ko siyang pinuntahan pagka-reply niya sa akin.
Nangpapalapit na ako'y kitang-kita ko ang mga ngitii sa kanyang mukha. Animo'y tuwang-tuwa siya na makita ako.
For the first time, nag-usap kami, nagkulitan, nagtawanan, halos hindi na kami nakinig ng misa.
Kaya nung sinita kami nung katabi namin ay nagpasya na lang kaming lumabas ng simbahan. at doon nag-usap.
Marami kaming napag-usapan. Para ngang hindi na kami naubusan.
Hanggang sa maka-uwi ako ay kausap ko pa din siya sa text. Bago matulog, katext ko pa din siya.

Muli akong hinitay ni Nate sa labas ng sinabahan, sabay na din kaming nagdasal at nakinig ng misa. Nagkwentuhan kami ulet pagkatapos.
"Nagugutom ako!" bigla na lang sabi ni Nate nang palabas kami ng simbahan. Nahulaan ko na ang susunod niyang sasabihin. Kinabahan na naman ako.
"Kain tayo..?" aya niya. Sabi ko na nga ba! Bumili agad ang tibok ng puso ko.
"Siguro naman, di mo na ako tatanggihan ngayon?" dagdag pa niya.
Hindi ako sumagot. Mukha yatang nabasa ni Nate ang iniisip ko. Kaya muli siyang nagsalita.
"Sige na...kahit yung bibingka lang, samahan mo akong kumain paborito ko kasi iyon eh!" sabay hinatak niya papunta sa isa sa mga nagkalat na tindahan ng bibingka at putong bubong sa paligid ng simbahan.
Wala na tuloy akong nagawa nung nilibre niya ako. Isang  mahinang "Thank you" na lang ang sinabi ko.
Nang dahil sa hiya ay natahimik ako at nakinig na lang sa mga kwento ni Nate habang kumakain kami.
Hinatid niya din ako sa may sakayan pagkatapos.
Papasok na sana ako ng bahay ng mareceive ko ang text ni Nate.
May tinanong siya sa akin...
Ang tanong na nagpagulo sa tahimik kong mundo....





To be continue... :)